This is a long ramble about my current mindset, Burned Out.
A quick Google search defines this phenomenon as:
The extinction of motivation or incentive, especially where one's devotion to a cause or relationship fails to produce the desired results. Burnout may be accompanied by a variety of mental and physical health symptoms as well. If left unaddressed, burnout can make it difficult for an individual to function well in their daily life.
The above definition, more or less conveys my current status.
Signs of my burn out: I consume things mindlessly. Be it eating food, reading books or watching movies or videos. I go overboard in just consuming them. But I don't produce anything. I don't write about it or take time to ruminate about it and discuss with people close to me. It is like this: I am telling people not to come near me or engage with me because I am busy reading something or watching something. But deep down, I want someone to poke my mindset, connect with me and check what is going on with me.
I am not depressed. I am just overwhelmed.
My burn out signs is like this: overflowing inbox, unsorted and unattended tasks in my to-do list. I miss my softer deadlines. I had not shipped my weekly newsletter for three weeks. I didn't write anything in 200WaD for the past four weeks. My sanity ritual of writing morning pages was also broken.
My life is good. I eat well. I sleep well, and I even work out consistently well. I play with my son, be kind to family and colleagues. But I know I could be much better. I could do well by scaling down and choosing a few things to focus.
A month ago, I enrolled in an online bootcamp for growth product managers. The assignments, tasks were exciting and challenging. I carved out time in the schedule to be regular at it.
I was put under a stress test when a sudden project at work popped up. I had to work on it, and it was filled with many uncertainties, a typical startup fare, nothing to worry about but needs my energy and attention. I cannot do that project in an autopilot mode.
While all these things were happening at work, a young, not-so-distant relative died of cardiac arrest. He was, in fact, four years younger to me. I was shocked initially then after a day I was back to my routine. Even though this incident doesn't shake me deeply, but it left a tremor in our family. There was a tinge of sadness and shock.
I had to travel to Hyderabad to attend a family wedding and spend time with relatives. I was quite happy and relieved to get a break from all this. But still felt like I was running like a hamster. Not settling down, digest things around me and check me in.
As I said, I am not sad or depressed. I am just overwhelmed. I am slowly trying to get back to my regular streak here and other facets of my life.
Wish me luck 😊